This is the kind of post that should have been reserved for at least 50 posts down the line, when I had reached a point of exhausting the options of possible topics – yet here it is.  I started writing this a while ago and then I found myself enjoying the exploration of my thought process.  Here I am, an amateur writer with nothing to show but a week old blog.  One day I hope to have a more extensive body of work.  Has anyone else tackled with wanting to write with flare and style but then coming across as pretentious and confusing?  Here are some disjointed paragraphs examining my thoughts:

I have a specific writing style.  While it can be advantageous to have a signature style to leave your mark, I want to delve into the open field of versatility.  I want to be a chameleon in my writing.  I want to explore the various personalities of expression.  I want to let go of myself and be different people.  However, when my writing is not my own it’s a cheap copy.  It’s a mockery of the writer I admire and a stain to my own natural ability.  I can only write what I know.  I’m more adventurous in my words and subdued in my storyline.  My stories are more about prose and less about plot.

A piece of mine that is deadline inspired as opposed to a topic I’m passionate about is worthless.

Everything that I have ever wanted to say has existed so half formed but so persistent in my mind that I can never find the words I really want to say when my explanations tumble clumsily out of my mouth.  Something so important to me suddenly sounds so worthless and trivial.  I want to withdraw even more into myself when I’m struck with the sound of my own banal excuses.  I have to agonise, concentrate and suffer over each rewrite of each sentence until I can express myself.  Even then, I am never fully satisfied.  At which point do I let my writing flow freely and when should I grapple with my words until they are more refined, polished and satisfying?  Please don’t ask me to explain myself because I will never be able to find the words when I need to.  My silence is not meant to offend or come across as indifference.  I only say nothing because I don’t know what to say.

All the words that I eloquently string together get lost in the abyss of my mind.  They float in the open spaces.  Some are wandering, others are meandering and most are dancing amongst my thoughts and ideas.  Then – in a sudden flash of a moment, they are lost.  They are consumed by time and disappear, never meant to form the sentences that they were supposed to.  They never fulfil a purpose.  They are replaced by secondary attempts to retrieve them.  The words are never quite the same.  The ideas suddenly become stagnant when faced with the prospect of becoming imprinted on a page or a screen.

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I am discouraged by my vocal ineptitude.  I do not possess the art of persuasion.  I cannot incite the same level of excitement in another when I fall deeply into a movie, book, a quote or philosophy.   No matter the literary or cinematic prowess that the content at hand possesses, I cannot bring a voice to the impact it has made.  The charming, the witty and the likeable bring out the envy within me.  I will stick to being a wallflower.

A quote from the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower:

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13 thoughts on “Thoughts on the Creative Process

  1. Hi there!

    Came across your blog and I loved it! Take it from someone whom it took 2 years to have any sort of confidence to project my blog- I get it.

    Especially your line: Something so important to me suddenly sounds so worthless and trivial.

    You have no idea! Lols!
    Your content is way more deep than my blog and yet you manage to put it all off so eloquently!
    I was so excited about publishing in my blog that for a good amount of time I wouldn’t even edit my posts grammatically.Words and sentences would just tumble out and I have left it all there so that I can review my journey in this attempt at writing with my blog. And however it may appear to the world I am happy with how far I have come.

    So I would say keep writing!

    It’s the only way out! Put it out there and let the world accept it at it’s own pace.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks so much for this. It makes my heart so warm that you tool the time to not only read my posts but leave such a kind comment. I read your post about your child embracing another at a tennis court and was absolutely blown away. It was almost too lovely to believe. Your writing is wonderful. I look forward to more 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh my dear I must clarify that that was a reblog from another blog. I should probably make it more clear.Thank you for the feedback! And chin up buttercup! keep writing!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh oops, how embarrasing, sorry about that. I need to take time to read one of your actual posts and based on the way you expressed yourself on this post, I’m excited.

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  2. “I am discouraged by my vocal ineptitude” Oh how I simply adore that statement! It describes me perfectly…..keep writing, you have a voice that needs to be heard. I think we all of us want to be noticed, have our blogs read (otherwise why on Earth would we ever post anything) and though we have different goals for our blogs we want the feedback, the laughter, the sighs or even the tears to be genuinely felt by whomever reads our stuff. Know that you have succeeded. Suze http://www.suziland.net

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s always so wonderful to connect with someone. I’m so grateful for your kind words and that you found something to relate to. I think that we all have voices to be heard 🙂 thank you so much.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m not sure which part of this spoke to me the most. Words that get lost before they ever get written. Things important to me that sound worthless and trivial. Vocal ineptitude. All of these describe my attempts at starting my blog. But I’m going to keep trying. And it’s writing like this, letting me know I’m not alone in these thoughts, that will keep me moving forward and always trying to improve.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s so lovely to know that other people feel the same way. Especially with writing, it’s so personal and subjective. When it’s critiqued, it feels as if a part of you is being personally attacked even though that’s not really the case. I think all people attempting to write struggle. Even the great writers we admire 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you so much for sharing…I read, recently (can’t remember where) that our best writing is the writing that we are convinced will be our ultimate humiliation–thank you for sharing with us…it is something so many can relate to….I almost lost my mind when I wrote my most recent blog–I was convinced that I wouldn’t find the words and I was so discouraged because the previous 3 were such a joy to write…this last time, I was convinced that I had lost the magic in the process…that feeling of “flying”….when the words just come to you–through you…and you know you are meant to write…but, once it was done and I told myself to put it out there (and once I had a good night’s sleep and got a bit of distance/perspective), I was proud of myself for having the courage not to let ego/vanity/insecurity get in the way of sharing something real…and, that’s what makes writing beautiful…your writing is always beautiful….you are amazing 🙂

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    1. Thank you for such a wonderful comment. It’s such an incredible feeling knowing that I have connected with someone even in a small way. I have to admit that I am jealous of your writing style so it’s so encouraging and even surprising that you enjoy my posts.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow! Not only do you have nothing to be jealous of, your honesty and openness is so endearing…you have a way of communicating that will draw soooooo many people to you…it’s just a matter of time….and, in the meantime, we are the lucky ones that get to be inspired and encouraged by you 🙂

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  5. As someone who’s been writing (for fun) for quite some time, I’ve identified with most of what you wrote in this post (especially the bit about flare and style vs. pretentious and confusing – you can check out this post of mine and you might be amused by the enthusiastic bollocks coming out the wazzoo. I love it even if it’s an exercise in trying oh so hard, because it gave the opportunity to be relentlessly over the top and more or less get it out of the system 😉 ).

    Based on this post I venture to say you’re a good writer. I like your phrasing, which, I for one think is the most important thing as a writer. There aren’t that many scenarios to write about. It’s how you tell the story. To quote Hemingway, writing is bleeding on the page – it’s not supposed to be easy. Just keep at it and trust your talent (that which motivates you to write). Experiments are very useful but don’t expect more from them than what they can give you – they aren’t going to be masterpieces, their function is different (to expand your horizons). The more you write, the better you will get at it and it’s always useful to be conversant in more than one (literary) language – if you catch my drift. One more thing, don’t allow yourself to be embarrassed by some of your more flamboyant moments. You might be surprised to learn that some people will love them. If nothing else they will show you your limits.

    Good luck with your stuff 🙂

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  6. I could relate to many of the things you pointed out in this post. Vocal ineptitude, writing more about prose and less about plot, words that vanish. I myself am currently struggling to find the right words to put into this comment box. As dehggial said above, writing is not always easy but I believe that as people who love to write we have to embrace every aspect of it, whether that be inspiration, writer’s block or anything else; struggle or pleasure, all the good and the bad that it entails.

    Personally, I too felt like the words were flowing so easily with magnificence. If it was up to me, I’d just say: never stop writing.

    Best,

    Giulia

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